Worth It

I'm exhausted...again.  Since Bug's arrival, I'm beginning to see a pattern in my life- exhaustion.  Let's face reality.  It's not going away- not now, not in five years, not in eighteen years...and probably not ever.  It may mellow down slightly once Bug has her own children and I get to be grandmother...which I hear is THE BEST thing on earth.  Now, you'd think being a mom is the best thing on earth, right?  Nope.  This is not what I hear from grandmothers.  With your own kids, you're too busy and concerned with trying to raise responsible human beings (and rightfully so!), that you don't get a lot of opportunities to just let loose and have fun.  With grandchildren, you get to give them all the things you wanted to give your children, but because you wanted to raise responsible human beings...you didn't (i.e. sugar, soda, sugar, and more sugar).  I can't wait for this.  For now, though, I'll have to settle for the "second best" (which for me is THE BEST because I have yet to experience grandchildren).  I get to enjoy being a mom.

Story- The other night, I had one of those nights- you know...the one where the problem was not a fussy baby or a dirty household.  The problem was me.  Bug wouldn't let me put her down and when she did, all she wanted to do was play.  I say this like there's an issue- there's not.  She's a baby who is growing and learning and I should want to sit with her all day and play, even though there are chores to be done.  I don't know what was wrong with me.  She ate all her food (By the way, Bug now requires two servings of nectarines, she loves them so much!) and she played for literally 20 minutes.  When I went to pick her up, she looked at me, smiled, and a whole mess of pureed nectarines went sliding down my shirt. A WHOLE MESS.  Seriously.  Down my shirt.  Bug held it in her mouth for 20 minutes while she played, just swooshing it around.  Well, on to the next activity- bath time.  Oh, and if you're wondering if I even made an effort to clean the nectarines, I did- very little effort, but I did.  I mean, really.  She might spit up on me before the night is over with anyway.  I might as well wait until she is in bed to shower to clean myself entirely.

(TANGENT:  Do you know that two showers every single day is just not enough for a mother of a baby.  Not enough.  No matter how many times you shower, there's spit up on your back from when you were burping the baby and when you didn't see it on your shoulder, you were excited, but then again...you can't see your own back.  SURPRISE!  And now with the introduction of solids, there's always some sort of pureed something or other resting on my arm and God Bless this sweet child of mine, who always wants to grab my face to kiss me...after she's stuck her fingers and hands in her mouth full of pureed food...always.)

Once Bug was in bed, I thought about making dinner for the hubs that would arrive at any moment, but I thought about pouring myself a glass of wine first.  So I did.  A girl's gotta relax and is entitled to a glass of wine while preparing dinner.  The hubs came home and the night went on as usual.  All of this goes on before he gets home.  It's amazing the amount of activity in the D household in a matter of 2-3 hours before he gets home at night.

Let's get it straight- this is not a complaint.  With all the things that can go wrong when a baby is around, there's no time to complain about it.  I assume this is just the life of a parent.  (If it's not, don't tell me because it will shatter me.  Ha!)  We deal with it because that baby who just spit up a mess of nectarines down your shirt...well, she just smiled at you.  THAT was worth it.  That baby who now splashes all the water out of the tub and makes a watery mess of the bathroom floor during bath time...well, she just hugged you.  THAT was worth it.  That baby who screamed for 45 minutes straight, without taking a breadth...well, she now says "Da-da-da-da-da-da-da" all morning in her crib while she laughs.  THAT was worth it.  

All of the good, all of the bad...it's worth it.  I've never been so exhausted in my life, but I've also never found so much strength to push on and move forward because for the first time in my life...someone needs me more than I need myself and she comes first.  I used to see myself as a complainer- all the time (ask my family).  It's the truth.  Nowadays, it's rare that I complain because my life is my family and they're worth it.


Bug now blows her lips ALL THE TIME.  All the time!  She even does this in her sleep (which is kind of weird to me, but who am I to judge her?)  So this is the face we see...a lot.

 You'd swear she was pooping.  She's not.  This face is normal.  What can I say?  She's pretty funny.

WORTH IT.

God Bless,

Kat