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What if...

I was on the phone today with my brother, Kyle, and was telling him about my emotionally charged moment in a parking lot as I dropped off the hubs at work after having lunch with him.  As I drove through the aisle of the parking lot, a parked car quickly backed out of it's spot without looking.  My natural instinct, of course, was to stop, rather than move forward.  Thankfully, however, the car quickly stopped itself from hitting the front passenger side of my car, where the hubs was sitting.  I pulled into a spot to calm myself down.  My heart was racing.  Wyatt turned to me and asked, "Are you okay?"  I just could not find the words to respond.  (Strange, I know.)  I was breathing so heavily and I think he realized I was about to freak out and said, "We're fine.  She didn't hit us."  He was right.  The driver had stopped quickly enough and everyone was safe.  However, I still could not get myself to calm down.  3, 2, 1...TEARS.  They just streamed from my eyes like a waterfall.  Why was I freaking out so badly?  In past situations like this, I probably would have cursed or yelled or said something I'd regret, but this time was different.  The following thoughts (and more) raced through my brain:

-"Don't stress...it'll affect the baby."
-"I know the driver did not hit us, but what if she had?"
-"What if we did have the baby already and she was in the car?"
-"What if the driver had hit the passenger side? She would have hit Wyatt!"

I realized that all those thoughts were why I started to cry.  For the VERY first time in my life, I had a "parent moment".  I thought of all the possible things that could have happened in that quick second and how much I had to lose- a wonderful baby and a wonderful husband.  

My brother then told me that before he and his wife had kids, his sister-in-law told them that you just don't know what love is until you have a kid (or in my case, a baby inside of me).  Yes, you love your spouse, but the love you have for your child far exceeds any love you've had for anything in your life.  And THAT, is probably what I experienced in that moment.  ::Sigh::  I can't wait to be a parent, to experience all the stress and all the love of having a kid.

As we get closer to the due date (1 week and 1 day), I find myself worrying more and more, even though I know in my heart that all you can do is leave it up to God.  He gave us this gift and we can trust that He will take care of all of us.

God Bless,
Kat

Comments

  1. Suzy VanDykeAugust 3, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    Praying for you dearie! I love Philippians 4:6-7

    Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    ReplyDelete
  2. WyattAugust 3, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    ditto, suzy!

    ReplyDelete

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